Rain Kissed Roses
by ScarletDevil1503
Summary: [ONESHOT] Carlisle shares a piece of his past with Esme, as painful as it may be. Excerpt: "The Life Journal of Anya Lusitania of Aragon, Loyal Member of the Volturi Guard and Faithful Lover. Born: December 5, 1479; Turned: May 10, 1495; Died: May 10, 1720." The death date was written in a sloppy form of Carlisle's script. Set in canon universe, rated T for mild violence & romance.


**This is a rather long one-shot. I wrote this years ago, probably**** inspired by the fact that so little is known about Carlisle's past. Sure, we know he was born in England and spent some time with the Volturi, but there's so much more to be told. Here's a small story about the journal of my OC, Anya.**

**Please note: I do not speak Spanish. If Google Translate screwed up royally, then I apologize.**

**If you enjoy the story, please review and tell me what you liked about it at the bottom! Have a great day and a great life.  
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**-Scarlet**

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><p><strong>Rain Kissed Roses<strong>

_May 10, 2007 – Forks, Washington_

"Yes, Carlisle?" Esme chimed as she gracefully entered his study.

She wrung her hands as Carlisle stood behind his desk with a severe expression on his face.

Esme was worried - Carlisle never acted like this. Rosalie, Bella, and Alice had gone shopping, the boys had gone hunting, and Renesmee was at La Push with Jacob. It had been the perfect time for Esme to make some designing sketches for their next home, but Carlisle had called her to his study instead. Carlisle had been troubled for the past few days, from something Esme couldn't fathom.

"Esme, I had been meaning to speak with you for quite some time," Carlisle said after a moment of hesitation, circling the desk. He took a seat next to his wife and took her hands, looking deeply into her concern-filled eyes.

Carlisle was worried - how could possibly tell her? It was _his_ burden to bear... but why had he felt the need to tell her these past few months? Was it because of Edward and Bella? Was it simply the haunting memory? No, none of that mattered now... he was going to tell her.

"What's amiss, Carlisle?" she asked. Her bright gold eyes consoled him, and gave him the courage to confide in her. She truly did love him, and he her... nothing would ever change that proven truth.

"Something happened, my dear..." His eyes became distant. "Years ago, centuries ago... I have yet to tell you about it. Not even Edward knows of it; I have kept it from the world for a long while...

"I'd like to tell you now, Esme."

Esme smiled, relieved that it was something so simple. She gave Carlisle's hands an affectionate squeeze. "Of course, you may share anything with me. I love you dearly, Carlisle..."

Carlisle let out the unneeded breath he was holding, and leaned in to kiss his wife softly. He then stood and stepped back to his desk. Opening the second drawer on the right, he removed some medical journals and set them on the desktop. He tapped on the back of the drawer, and heard the satisfying _click!_ of the secret compartment coming loose. He pulled out the panel and gazed at the tarnished leather journal that lie inside. Pulling it out, he made his way back to Esme, whose eyes had grown wide with curiosity.

Taking the offered book wordlessly, Esme's brow furrowed as she stared at the old-looking journal in her hands. She glanced up at Carlisle, and he nodded encouragingly, with a ghosting of regret on his face. After a slight moment of uncertainty, Esme opened the book to reveal elegantly penned script, neatly scrolled across the wrinkled yellow pages. She returned to the front, and read the small title at the top of the page:

_The Life Journal of Anya Lusitania of Aragon, Loyal Member of the Volturi Guard and Faithful Lover_

_Born: December 5, 1479; Turned: May 10, 1495; Died: May 10, 1720_

The death date was written in a sloppy form of Carlisle's script. Esme was more confused than ever as she looked up again, questions in her eyes. Carlisle urged for her to continue, but his face held utter hesitation. Esme began reading hesitantly...

_**Entry 1 – Turned**_

_In rare times, we go through life getting everything we want, but never finding any true happiness. Oft times, we go through life always striving to get what we want, but never realizing that it just holds empty joy. However, in a few select cases, fate calls upon us to do a wonderful act for humanity... a world-altering deed that will echo throughout every era._

_I, unfortunately, do not fall into any of these categories._

_My name is Anya Lusitania, and I am beginning this journal for you, my beloved Carlisle, because you asked it of me._

_I was born in Lusitania (which is now called Portugal), in the late fifteenth century, to a poor family. When my parents died of an incurable disease, I became an orphan. I do not remember how it occurred, but I soon found myself a servant in the court of a rich, powerful Moorish gentleman. He and his heirs brought me to Spain, to the Kingdom of Aragon. We lived in the capital, which was called Barcelona. They were very kind to me, and I was quite content in their service._

_However, not long after, it was discovered that this family was practicing the Muslim religion known as "Islam." These were the times of King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella's "Reconquista": the effort to drive Islam from their land, and replace it with Roman Catholicism. I was not, by any stretch of one's imagination, a Muslim. I hid my rosary from the Masters and prayed to the Christ Child every day while they bowed towards Mecca. As you well know, Carlisle, I am a follower of _el Senor Dios_ (the Lord God)..._

_Eventually, the soldiers came for my family. They were dragged from the house, and hung by the neck in the courtyard of their own home. I tried to run away; however, a simple 16-year-old girl could not escape an angry mod of townsfolk. They beat me to near death, and threw my limp body into the woods outside of town, having thought I was already dead._

_As you know, it was Felix Volturi that found me. He has told me since that he was going to make a small dinner of me, but when he tasted my blood (which was vial to him), he withdrew. The venom he left inside me changed me forever, to be immortal 'til death. I was brought back to Volterra, Italy and graciously welcomed into the Volturi Guard._

_I hear you calling for me this very moment, my sweet love, so I will close for now and write more soon... _Amor, mi cielo_ (Love, my angel)..._

_Veritably yours,  
>Anya<em>

_**Entry 2 – Gift**_

_I took the surname, "Lusitania" after my native land. Anya Lusitania... Volturi, of course._

_You have urged me, dear Carlisle, to enclose every detail of myself in this journal, so I will indulge you. I am permanently in the body of a 16-year-old girl, though it is hardly apparent. I indeed have long flaxen hair, much darker than yours, my love, which endlessly becomes wavy and tangled if not pinned up tight. I am quite small, barely over 5 feet and 2 inches. You say I am beautiful, yet a scar mars my right cheek. It is a scar from my human life, which I do not remember, but my Master Aro claims he saw a childhood memory of falling from a tree. I usually wear my hair to the side to cover this mark, but you say it only makes me more beautiful. My silly love, none can stand by you and match your magnificence!_

_At any rate, once I was turned, a prominent attribute of my human self was amplified. Like your own depth of compassion, _mi amor_, my extraordinary perception was highlighted. I could assume the intentions of any person by simply watching them, speaking with them, or touching them. Whether they be foul or pure... hesitant or certain... good or evil. Aro worked years with me, delving into the potential of my power._

_My new life continued pleasantly for ten years; it was in the year 1506 that an event occurred. I have told you many times of this fault, and, as you know, I have felt terribly for it from that day on._

_It was a pleasant Volterrian day, and (as usual) I was sitting on my stool beside Aro's throne, speaking with him about anything and nothing. His brother, and second patriarch of the Volturi, came into our presence. He kept glancing at me nervously, as if I shouldn't have been there. However, when I tried to excuse myself from the throne room, Aro bid me stay._

"_What do you have with me, dear brother?" he asked Marcus then._

_He began speaking with Aro about the discovery of the New World, and if they would have any presence there whatsoever. I could tell something wasn't quite right immediately: Marcus had an ulterior motive. After several moments, I realized that he intended to leave to a new place, far away from Volterra, with Didyme, his mate. Didyme was a dear friend to me at the time - a mother, of sorts. She was also Aro sister, whom he loved dearly._

_However, I did not speak my thoughts, no! What tragedy would ensue if Marcus wished to leave the Volturi? Aro would see it as an act of a traitor. No, I mustn't tell my Master... Marcus is like a brother to me still, and I couldn't betray him even then, knowing of his intent._

"_You seem troubled, dearest. Whatever is wrong?" Aro asked me once Marcus had left, offering his hand._

_I'm sure trepidation was clear on my face as my eyes met his. My plans were dashed in that instant, and I knew the result would be bad. But I couldn't disobey him; the action would be insolent and brash. I hesitantly placed my hand in his. His eyes closed in concentration as my thoughts were opened to him. Then, surprise was evident on his face as his eyes opened to search mine questioningly. My hand still in his, I thought this: Please, Master, have mercy._

_An internal struggle showed in his eyes, but for only a moment. I pleaded with my own thoughts, to no avail. Anger won the victory as he stood from his throne quite abruptly, and I rose with him, my hand still firmly in his._

"_Master –" I began._

"_No," he injected. "This must not happen." He stormed furiously from the hall._

_He killed her, dear heart. Oh, the sorrow! _Mucho pena_ (So much grief)! My heart aches even now! His own sister died by his hand. Marcus was broken, betrayed by his brother. You have seen the emptiness in his eyes, my love! He was never the same... and it was of my doing._

_Marcus has forgiven me on several occasions, but my spirit is still troubled with this burden. Oh! what woe can befall us in such a simple act..._

_I have run out of ink once more so I must close. Love to you, my darling._

_~Anya_

At this point, Esme looked up from the worn journal. Carlisle had made his way over to the window of his office, constantly running a hand through his hair and biting the inside of his lip. What would she think of him, now that she knew? And she hadn't reached the half of it yet! Carlisle simply stayed silent as this internal battle raged.

Esme, uncertain still of what to make of it, carefully turned the next aged leaf of the book, and read on.

_**Entry 3 – Friendship**_

_It was not but 3 years later that some new members entered the Guard. They came yet in the year 1509, in the winter time. Aro saved them such as he saved me… from the wrath of humanity, my love. Their names were Alec and his twin sister Jane. They are even younger than I, dear love! When they first came into the castle, they were hesitant and shy, but, dear Carlisle, you have seen how that changed! They are Aro's most treasured of the gifted._

_Though it is an ancient memory to the both of us now, Alec and I were selected as each other's mates. He was terribly horrified, but I only laughed and told him it wasn't necessary that we should be together. Jane has despised me from that day forth, for reasons unknown to me. As Alec and I had become the greatest of friends, he simply told me that she was this way to most everyone. I simply had to accept it and move on._

_Forgive me, my love. They call to me now and I must heed. I shall add more in time._

_~Anya_

_**Entry 4 – Visitor **_

_I have finally reached the greatest thing of my entire life, my darling, and that is you. I skip so many years, because my life was dreary and futile without you. I simply existed, breathing air that was not mine, seeing things that held no meaning. But, my love, it all changed so quickly..._

_Aro called me into the throne room early the morning of February 23, 1721, claiming there was to be a visitor. I stood by Marcus's throne, eagerly awaiting the doors to open and reveal the mysterious guest._

_It was Jane who escorted you there, sweet love! Did she scare you? As the doors opened, I'm sure my heart would have stopped had it still been beating._

Ah, que mi corazon preterito_ (Oh, how my heart sang)! Oh, my love, you were glorious! You boldly entered the hall, and faced half the Guard with valor. Your clothes were out-dated and tattered, your hair a bramble, but I could feel myself cherishing you immediately. You were beautiful, tall, and gracious, but I steeled myself against those allurings... you were a visitor... and I, a simple servant of my Master._

_However, all things aside, what surprised me the most about you was indeed your eyes. You have heard my never-ending admiration of your eyes time and again, my darling, but indulge me once more... They were not red as I expected them to be, no! You eyes were honey and sunshine, amber and caramel, topaz and gold. But alas! I do believe Aro was more surprised than even I!_

_He called you forward and reached for your hand. You were so surprised,_ mi amor_!_

_Aro spoke, "There is but one matter that must be addressed. Concerning your 'diet'...?"_

_Then, my dear love, you looked at me! Your gilded eyes became a fascination to me, and I even wondered if you were even of our race! You smiled ever so slightly when your eyes met mine, and I couldn't help but return it._

_Your gaze returned to Aro as your words flowed like silk, "I have never found myself among those of my kind that are as refined as you; moreover, please forgive me if I am not what you expected. As to my diet, I do not kill humans out of principal, since I strive to protect them. I have spent my time as a vampire building an immunity to the scent of human blood."_

_I do believe everyone in the hall was quite surprised at your words. Even Aro was speechless. "How do you sustain yourself without the loss of human life?" Marcus asked you then._

"_I drink only the blood of animals, sir. Resulting, my eyes are not the same in appearance as the rest of our kind."_

"_How do you mean you, 'strive to protect' humans?" Caius asked curiously, if not a bit insulted._

_At this, Aro laughed merrily. "Our dear Carlisle is yet a doctor, dear brother! Dr. Carlisle Cullen: vampire, and protector of humanity!"_

Preterito pasmo_ (I was astounded). Never had I seen someone like as you in all my years of existence. Aro then bid you welcome to the castle and allowed you access to the many amenities that it offered. You left, and my heart ached at the void you left there._

"_Master Aro, may I –?" I asked, putting my hand in his._

_He smiled. "Of course, my dear. Replace Jane as his escort, please."_

_Did you feel it as well, my love? The lightning touch that passed us as our hands met for the first time? Never before has anyone affected me so, dear heart! _

_I close now, for my Master has called upon me once again. Farewell, _mi carino_ (my darling)..._

_~Anya_

_**Entry 5 – Love**_

_I remember your words as if they were spoken moments ago:_

_"It's a pleasure, Miss –?"_

_"Anya," I said, my hand shaking slightly in yours as I spoke. "Anya Lusitania."_

_You smiled, my love. "I am Carlisle Cullen, Miss Lusitania. I am amazed and astounded to make your acquaintance, as... you are the first civilized of our kind I have had the pleasure to meet," you said, placing your lips to my hand._

_Oh, my love! How _mi pobrecilo_ (my spirit) trilled at your very presence! It took great effort to speak my reply, "Dr. Cullen, the pleasure is mine! You are the first of our kind I have met with such curious eyes as yours..."_

_You smiled once again, my darling. _La alegria_ (The joy)! "You flatter me, Miss Lusitania," you said, offering an arm as a gentleman would._

_I took your arm and felt my spirit take flight. "Please, just 'Anya'."_

_"Anya, then."_

_I showed you the highlights of the castle that first day, dear Carlisle. You were very interested in the library, so we spent many hours into the night looking over the dusty volumes of medical journals and notes that it held. I left your side only when dawn broke and my Master summoned me. It was with great misery that I bid you farewell._

_Once I arrived in the throne room, I allowed Aro to take my hand and see my thoughts. He smiled at what he saw. "_Mi cielos... yo creer tu estar enamorado, Anya_ (My dear... I do believe you are in love, Anya)."_

_I looked down and pulled my hand away, covering my mouth with it. "_Lo siento, Maestro Aro. Perdon mi, por favor_ (I'm sorry, Master Aro. Please forgive me)..."_

_"No," he said, rising from his throne. "I can see that you have no control about it, dear one. Do not apologize for that which is no wrong... You may feel whatever you wish, Anya. This feeling is novel to you, my child; do not resist it," he said gently, touching my cheek with his hand._

_"_Gracious, Senor... Yo agradecido para comprensivo_ (Thank you, sir... I am thankful for your understanding)."_

_"It's nothing at all, dear child. Now, I believe our guest hasn't been to the arboretum yet, has he?"_

_I smiled._

_"Then you must take him there straight away. Off with you..."_

_I gratefully bowed my way out of the throne room. Aro was right, my love! I had never felt this way before, and it was new and thrilling for me. Did you feel the same way? Did you see anything in that silly little girl? Did you feel content at just the thought of my very name?_

_I will write more tomorrow, for a new day is beginning, and I must see your beautiful face once again, _mi cielo_..._

_~Anya_

When Esme's eyes flickered away from the page for a fraction of a second, Carlisle felt as though he would spontaneously combust at any moment. He clenched and unclenched his fists as Esme looked up to meet his eyes. She held his gaze for a moment with no expression on her face, then turned back to the journal. Carlisle's face turned grim. The worst was yet to come.

_**Entry 6 – Guilt**_

_It felt like a sin, my dear Carlisle. It felt like a sin to hide my true feelings from you. My gift allowed me to see your perfectly neutral intentions for me. Was my love not returned? Was the admiration only one-sided? Would I never get to show you how much I cherished you? These questions haunted me over the next month that you remained with us. You were formal and kind to me... We spent most the days simply together in the library._

_It was one particular day that I was sifting through the top shelf of a bookcase, high up on the shelf latter. I was looking for one specific volume - written by Aro himself - on the dangers of immortal children. It was to no avail that I found such the book, and I became quite frustrated. _

_"_Que ridiculo esto es! Yo puede ver buscar para horas_ (How ridiculous this is! I've been looking for hours)!" I growled in aggravation._

_You were sitting afar off by one of the tall windows, but your head turned when you heard me perfectly. "What did you say, Anya?" you asked curiously._

Mi amor_, you took up Spanish as if it were your native tongue! You leaned so quickly; we had entire conversations in Spanish by just the next week. And, _mi carino_, I only loved you more for it... to my great shame. As the days passed, I felt myself aching more and more to tell you of my feelings. Would you become angry? You were much older than I in appearance, and you could see it as improper..._

_But, my! How the feelings controlled my every action! I melted at your passing touches, and froze at your melodious words._

_After spending an entire evening with you, conversing and simply enjoying each other's company, I decided to appeal to my most quiet Master - Marcus. I would ask him about the nature of your relationship with me. I only hopped that I had the courage to hear the answer._

_"I don't imagine I should be involved, Anya... it may change the circumstance too much. You understand, certainly," Marcus told me as we sat on the couches in his living quarters._

_"But, Marcus! I think I will die if I must to wait any longer!" I said, my face alight with passion, my hands clutched together in my lap._

_He chuckled, and watched me with a droll glint in his eye. "It is rare that you are so ardent about something in this nature, precious Anya. Also, the likelihood of one perishing due to one's emotions is very low... very low indeed."_

_My face drooped with disappointment. "Marcus, you must help me, _please_. I feel ill all the time, yet I cannot be taken sick. I feel anxious every day, yet I have nothing to fear. Please, Master... _please_, tell me what I must do!" My eyes pricked with tear I could never shed. _

_Sympathy was clear on Marcus's face as he leaned forward and took my hand, looking deeply into my sorrowful eyes. "Then you must tell him... and react accordingly with what he says." His tone was gentle._

_"But, what if he does not accept me? What if he doesn't love me the way I do him?" I asked fervently._

_"Then you must accept that, Anya... and move on."_

_His words had troubled me, my darling, but their truth weighed heavily on my soul. I'll close for today, Carlisle, my love._

_~Anya_

_**Entry 7 – Confession **_

_I felt even more poorly than before as I left Marcus's room that evening. He had told me precisely what I needed to hear and if hurt terribly, dear heart. I was nearly back to my chambers when I collapsed to the floor, sobbing into my hands with nothing but my own sorrow. I leaned against the wall of the corridor, and let all my hurt flow freely. You had been with us for two entire months by that time, my love, and I was finally without hope. How could you love a simple child like me?_

_It was not until I felt your gentle tap on my shoulder that I realized you were there. How long had you stood there? I looked up in shock, scrambling to my feet and spouting my apologies. You asked if I were ill, and I looked into your golden, compassionate eyes and felt my body perish once again._

_"Perhaps just a bit... winded," I stuttered, moved by your presence once more. Winded! My love, did you think me such a fool? You did not show it, however, had you thought me so._

_"Come, it's just finished raining outdoors, and the fresh air will restore you," you said, guiding me down the corridors to the courtyard at the back of the castle._

_The air was indeed fresh from rain as we walked into the cool twilight air. The stars were shining as brightly and brightly as they could through the last spoon of sunlight in the sky. The full moon shone vividly above the lake, and a gentle wind rustled the flower petals in the garden. Sulpicia and Athenodora always kept an enormous flower garden in full bloom every spring, and the sleepy flowers danced before us in the April breeze._

_I leaned on your arm morosely as we strolled down to the lake. You gallantly laid your cloak over a damp stone bench for me to rest upon, and I took the seat, thanking you. We sat together near the roses, gazes cast out over the lake; the round moon reflected brilliantly in the water. I sighed and folded my hands on my lap, looking down in my distress._

_"You must have something on your mind, Anya..." My chest fluttered as my name fell from your lips. "_Tu puede habla conmigo sobre algo, Anya_ (You may speak with me about anything, Anya)," you whispered – your accent more than lacking – covering my hands with your own._

_Red met gold as I chanced a shy look into your eyes. I wanted to tell you, I wanted you to understand, but I had convinced myself that I was unworthy. My eyes widened as yet another thought struck me. You must have thought me a monster. I took human life without second thought as you worked to preserve it! How horrible must you think me?_

_All these thoughts scattered silently behind my shamelessly red eyes as you searched them for answers. What were you thinking, my love? Were you indeed disgusted with me as I imagined? Feeling self-conscious, I looked back to the water and moved my hair to cover the scar on my left cheek. It was not but seconds later that I felt your hand sweeping my mane back over my shoulder, and turning my head back to you, your thumb gently stroking my cheek. _

_The moments dragged as you stared at me. "Anya..."_

_I broke in that moment, my dear. "Oh, Carlisle!" I wept, my sad eyes locked with your own. "_Y-Yo pensar_..." I whispered, forcing myself to cease my trembling. "_Estoy enamorado de ti_ (I-I think... I am in love with you)..." _

_If you were surprised, dear Carlisle, it did not show on your face as your eyes held mine like a trance. I was silent as your face drew nearer mine. I wished to flee! I wished to run far away and hid my disgraceful face in my hands. However, my breath caught when your close lips brushed mine. Was it an accident? I do not believe so, dear love... for your lips then completely sealed to mine._

_It was fortunate that I no longer needed to breathe, because I had been holding my breath the seconds before. I was shocked, to say the least. I sat perfectly still as you drew closer, pulling me to you by my waist, sealing the void between us. I had never been kissed intimately before... in what state would it have been? I was a simple servant of my Master._

_Nevertheless, I reached my arms around your neck, feeling the need for closeness. Your scent filled my senses as my worries wholly melted away. You drew back far too soon, but only slightly, and sighed softly into my ear, "_Yo enamorarse de tu, tambien_ (I'm falling in love with you, too)..." _

_My heart quivered with joy at your words, and I hid them deep in my heart that moment. Even know, I cannot fathom the depth of my love for you, Carlisle._

_Deeply yours,  
>Anya<em>

Both Carlisle and Esme looked up from their thoughts as crunching gravel was heard on the driveway. Carlisle forgot his nerves for only a moment, as he peered through the blinds to view the driveway. A sliver car slowly rolled in. His nerves snapped like tripwire. Edward!

Esme dared not speak as she joined her husband at the window. She let out a gasp when she saw the occupants of the car - Edward not among them. About 9.7 seconds later, Emmett burst through the door.

"We need money," he said simply.

Carlisle swallowed his stress as Esme quickly slid the journal into his desk drawer. His jaw set as his eyes patently watched his son. "For what reason?"

Jasper appeared in the room, cautious as always, and spoke for Emmett in a declarative manner: "Edward got arrested."

Esme gasped as Carlisle nearly laughed. "Why?" Esme breathed in horror. Her first and most precious son... _arrested_.

Jasper grinned then, and Carlisle suspected that he was the source of his amusement. "Double parking."

Emmett shrugged. "We told him not to..."

Carlisle shook his head as he walked around the desk, smiling in slight contradiction, and faced the two. "How much?"

"$5,000."

"5K!"

Esme put a hand to her silent heart. "Oh, dear."

Carlisle suppressed a smile at the comedy of the situation. Edward: arrested for double parking and wanted for $5,000. "Charlie has a strange sense of humor..."

Emmett laughed as Esme frowned. Jasper smiled from the humor in the room. "His own son-in-law...," the empath drawled, trying not to laugh for Esme's sake.

"Alright," Carlisle sighed, taking his keys and jacket for over the chair. "Let's go."

The boys shuffled out the door, Emmett whispering something like "Wait 'til Bella hears" and punching Jasper's arm. Carlisle shrugged on his coat and stole a glance back at his wife. She smiled. "Say hello to Charlie for me, my love."

Carlisle simply nodded, wanting to mention the journal, but not daring to. She would finish it soon; then they will talk. He could only hope that it would turn out... civil. "Goodbye, my dear."

Esme turned to the window as Carlisle quietly closed the door behind himself. She pulled back a slat of the blinds and gazed down at the two boys in the driveway. It appeared as though they were fighting over who was going to drive. She felt herself smile. She had a wonderful family (a granddaughter, even) and a loving husband. A faithful husband. She couldn't ask for more.

Sighing in content, Esme sat at Carlisle's large, leather chair behind the desk, and slid open the first desk drawer again. She took out the old book that lie inside and found her place. She curiously continued reading.

_**Entry 8 – Hunt**_

_I have nearly reached the present, my dear Carlisle. You urge me to write in this journal every day, and I am happy to obey. After we found our love for each other, I was never the same. Every day held promise and purpose, and I was never without your love and joy. We were happy together, my dear, because all we needed was each other._

_Decades passed. Aro couldn't have been more delighted at our relationship, because he knew you would never leave Volterra without me. And, of course, I would never desert my family... _

_It was once again the month of January, and we were together in the library as you read. I was curled up in your lap, but your attention was on the medical journal you held in your hand. I absently traced the the dry veins of your free hand as I captured it with my own. You tried to free your hand to turn a page of your book, but I held it fast. Your attention was finally drawn to me, and I smiled wryly up at you._

_Your returning smile was striking and you set the book aside, reading my actions like thought. You lifted me up and kissed me. Soon, you stood with me in your arms, twirling me around before setting me on my feet. "I must hunt, my dear...," you said, kissing me once more._

_I frowned. You hunted so very often, my love, and I ached to be apart from you for even a moment. I caught your hand as you turned to leave the library. You looked back at me quizzically, taking my hand fully in your own. "My love," I said, head bowed. "Let me come with you. Let me learn your ways..." You looked reluctant. We had spoken of the issue many times before, but you were hesitant - you could predict Aro's displeasure._

_I sighed. "Oh, please, darling! We shall always be together, even every moment!"_

_A smile spread on your face. "How can a man resist your sweet words, Anya? You shall accompany me, my heart."_

_It was beautiful, my love. Being a predator of the night, lurking amongst the trees. And the best part, my angel, was that my prey passed from this earth without shed tear, or woeful cry. All the years before seemed pitiful and childish before this night, _mi amor_... You taught me your ways, dear Carlisle, and for this, I will love you ever the more. You transformed the monster into something better – not quite the fallen angel I see in you, my dear – yet a saved soul, a being worthy of existence._

_However, when we arrived back to the castle just before morning, Caius spied us. We were hand in hand as we ascended to your chambers, dear love, and Caius saw that my eyes were yet red no longer. As he bid us good-night and hastily departed, I spoke my concerns to you, dear Carlisle. You said we would speak to Aro when he summoned us, and prepare for whatever he may say._

_I am nervous for that audience, my love... as, I write this now while we await it together. It has been three days, and I can only imagine what my Master will say..._

Amoro usted, mi cielos Carlisle_ (I love you, my dear Carlisle). This I pledge to the end._

_Veritably yours,  
>Anya<em>

_**Entry 9 – Command **_

_Earlier today, Aro called us into his presence. My hand shakes even now, as I recall his face. You stood by my side, Carlisle._

"_Anya," he said, beckoning me closer. "I have been informed of your latest... change of heart."_

_I swallowed and made to step closer, but you stopped me and took my place before Aro. "Anything you may have heard, Aro - I take full responsibility for."_

_Aro grinned, the tips of his fingers pressed together, and he surveyed us with an amused eye. "And what, exactly, are you taking responsibility for?"_

_You stood your ground and replied, "Leading Anya to feed from animals, sir."_

_Aro's inquisitive eyes moved to me. I wrung my fingers behind my back in nervousness. "Is this so, Anya?"_

"_Y–" I cleared my throat, as my words had come as a squeak. "Yes, sir."_

"_Carlisle, leave us." He stood from his throne and made his aggressive way towards us. You caught my nervous gaze and smiled reassuringly. I tried to return it to no avail. You left, then, and my heart felt numb._

_Aro reached me as the throne room doors clamored shut behind you. His eyes were piercing, and I fidgeted uneasily under his scrutiny. "M-Master," but I couldn't find the words to say._

"_You have disgraced me, Anya."_

_I bowed my head in shame. My ability allowed me to see that he would do anything to make me feed from humans again… anything. I was about to speak my apology, but he interrupted me. "I would have you return to our way of life, Anya. The _natural_ way of life." His voice was unfamiliar, harsh. He had never spoken to me that way._

_I bit my tongue. His words had been the ones that I'd feared. My eyes were pinned to the floor. "No, Master," I said, under a whisper._

"_Pardon me?"_

"_I said, 'no'... Master." I summoned the courage to meet his eyes, and what I saw in them was rage. "This may not be the natural way of life... but it is the right one, sir."_

"_This is an outrage, Anya." His voice was even, composed though his eyes blazed. "I command you to stop this nonsense."_

_I opened my mouth to speak, but quickly closed it. I looked down; all I had to say was defiance._

"_Look at you, Anya," he said softly, taking my chin and lifting my gaze to his. "Your eyes were so beautiful." _

_I closed my golden eyes and my heart filled with sorrow. All I know in life is the Volturi, my love. Aro: my father, Sulpicia: my mother. Marcus: my uncle; and the rest: my brothers and sisters. But now, my darling love, I have you: my soul mate. And you are all I need now, Carlisle._

_"This is who I am now, Master." I opened my eyes and gazed peaceably into his angered ones. "Please accept me."_

_He released my chin and his clenched fists shook in fury. Through my gift, I found that he intended to force me to stop. How he would go about doing this was still unclear, uncertain. But his mind was set on turning my ways once again. Suddenly, the unexpected happened. He raised his hand and struck me hard across the face. I fell to the ground with the shock and force of it, and cowered there before him. My eyes widened in surprise as I held my undamaged cheek, and I looked up at him fearfully._

_His voice held venom, and stung the same as well._ "_Get out of my sight. You disgust me."_

_I ran from the throne room then, heart. If I had still been human, I could have cried. Oh, how I wished to cry just then, dear Carlisle. I found you waiting for me just outside the hall. I collapsed into your arms, and you held me while I sobbed with no tears._

_I must close now, Carlisle. We must prepare for what the future brings us._

_Anya_

_**Entry 10 – No Title**_

_It has been a week, love. I have managed to stay out of sight for the past few days, as you have instructed me. We plan to leave tomorrow night, my darling - leave and never glace behind us._

_Just last night, we visited the pond, as we do every full moon. Lonely clouds drifted about the heavens, tired after storming all day. We sat together in the moonlight and spoke of what was to come, of our future lives together. You want me to visit your homeland, _mi amor_, England. You want to show me the bustling streets of London and how the sun sets over the Thames. And, as I have told you many times before, I said that I will follow you anywhere._

_My love for you is like the depth of the ocean; like the height of the sky. You are my true love, Carlisle, and my life - of these I am certain. You are my whole world and my savior. You are my fallen angel that saved me from a worse fate. I will follow you anywhere: may it be to the end of the earth or the end of my days, my dear, dear love._

_You held me gently last night, and whispered your love for me among the rain kissed roses..._

Esme frowned at the half-written page, and turned to find the next one blank. She hurriedly flipped through every last page, just to find them void of text. She closed the old journal gently and reclined back in Carlisle's chair. What had happened? Had they escaped together? Had Aro found them out?

Esme felt her chest constrict with grief. Nothing good must have happened, or the journal would be filled with loving memories. She dropped her face in her hands and mourned for the woman in the journal. Never had Esme imagined that Carlisle had had a past lover. He had kept it from her for all these years... and for what? Was he scared that she wouldn't love him the same?

She could never stop loving Carlisle.


End file.
